Hello everyone. Here is my text from our assessment. Give some feedback and correct my mistakes, please =)
I think my mother is the most important person in my life. She helps me growing up by answering my questions, by talking with me about no matter what and teaching me lessons that I am going to use for the rest of my life.
I love almost everything in my mum. And I say “almost” because there are some things about her that really annoy me. She is really stubborn and she spends too much time thinking about those things like “what if” and “what about” and she talks and talks until we say “Enough, mum!”. Only after that she seems to relax and let us relax.
What I really love about my mother is that she is very positive and does not let any of the house go down. She has a disease and sometimes I can see how sad and down she is, but she tries to smile and pass the idea that everything is fine. Even the woman from the stationery store says she is always smiling. I am not that positive, but since I noticed that facet of her’s I have been trying to be more positive also. I also have long conversations with her so that she can tell me her worries and let out things she has inside of her that no one wants to listen.
Of course my dad supports her, but like the man he is, he does not really care about feelings and emotions. So, I try to be there for her as she is always there for me.
My mother is only 39 years old, but she has passed through some bad things and she suffered a lot. And she will continue to suffer because of her disease that consumes her everyday. I love my mum and I always will. If I could, I would do anything to keep her away from that suffering, because I love her forever.
I love almost everything in my mum. And I say “almost” because there are some things about her that really annoy me. She is really stubborn and she spends too much time thinking about those things like “what if” and “what about” and she talks and talks until we say “Enough, mum!”. Only after that she seems to relax and let us relax.
What I really love about my mother is that she is very positive and does not let any of the house go down. She has a disease and sometimes I can see how sad and down she is, but she tries to smile and pass the idea that everything is fine. Even the woman from the stationery store says she is always smiling. I am not that positive, but since I noticed that facet of her’s I have been trying to be more positive also. I also have long conversations with her so that she can tell me her worries and let out things she has inside of her that no one wants to listen.
Of course my dad supports her, but like the man he is, he does not really care about feelings and emotions. So, I try to be there for her as she is always there for me.
My mother is only 39 years old, but she has passed through some bad things and she suffered a lot. And she will continue to suffer because of her disease that consumes her everyday. I love my mum and I always will. If I could, I would do anything to keep her away from that suffering, because I love her forever.
I love you mum =)
2 comments:
Hi Diana! I didn't find anything in the grammar that could be a mistake so i am going to go over the essay structure. The main points are there: introduction, body and conclusion but they should be more complete. For example the introduction should have an initial sentence that captivates the reader attention; the body part should contain more details, like certain sentence that really impressed you, or the things that you had done with her or those that you still do; the conclusion should be like a little summary of the all text, summing up the main ideas. I hope i've given you a little help! :)
Hi! :)
Thanks for your comment on my post. I have already correct my 'little mistake' :p
I loved your text. It describes the mother-daughter relationship and how deeply it is. A mother is always very important in our life and I understood that you have a very special relationship with her, what is great!
Talking about mistakes, I can not find any, apart from the little attention that Hari referred about the conclusion. You should resume more all your ideas in one or two sentences.
Apart from that, I think it is very well written and that touch our hearts ;)
Kiss***
Post a Comment